The Blue Woman

I am the blue woman, crying into the color, seeking the light within.  

This painting was made by my beloved Christina many years ago. She gifted it to me during my twenties, a time of meandering within the misery of doubt and uncertainty. Recently, I noticed the gold on the left of the blue woman, just below the hip. It is more subtle in person, but it looks like this when photographed. Here I see a candle. I see gold light. The blue woman looks like shadow. 

I have lived in shadow and I have lived in light. Now I know that I can be both. That I must be both, both blue and gold. Gold in the moments of rest, bliss, ease, and joy. And blue in the shadows of grief and fear and naivety.  I feel now the gold within me. This summer, it burst and bloomed. Christina is gold. She brings me (and many) to the light. In this painting, I am the blue woman, seeping through the canvas of form, dripping to Mother Earth, wet with sorrow and soul and sadness. I am also the gold heart, soft and luminous. I am both blue and gold. For the blue is gold and the gold is blue. Multitudes. I am multitudes. 

Purity and perfection are myths of myths. They are not impossible. We are pure. We are perfection. We are among and within sin. And we are among and within our lives of love, light, and learning. It is meant to be this way. We are here to transform. Avoidance is the abandonment of truth.  At 40 years old, I am deep within my metamorphosis. I now meander less and listen more. I have been transforming since the beginning. 

Again and again, I remember that I must speak my truth. That I must be my truth.

I once believed I was all shadow. Years later, I yearned to be all gold. I hoped to hide in a golden bliss for the rest of my life. It was a hopeful lie and a helpful one. For in my seeking, I learned how to fly. Now I know that I can live with and within gold and blue. I can weep for my mistakes. And I can shine too with the light of love. 

I am the blue woman, and I am the gold woman. 

I have sun surging within and around my soul and body. It guides me and leads me to my freedom.  

Light and Shadow

May we direct light to flicker and glimmer and stream into shadow. May we weave lines of light into the caverns until all is merged, for this is the essence of life on Earth. 

Life is the light entering the dark and the dark remembering its light. 

May we drink the light. May we swallow and bellow out shadow. May we pull back the heavy folds of despair and let in the golden glow of hope. Life is a basket in the Sun. It is light wrapped in wicker wrinkles. The wrinkles are where we get our wisdom. And the light is our light - our being and our love.   

It is early September. In the year 2024. Every morning, until it is too cold and dark to do so, I move on my yoga mat on our tall wooded porch. As the Sun rises and reaches its rays through the trees, I notice light and shadow.  Already, the Sun is kissing the leaves and killing them into bold color. This is what light does. It shines, illuminates, and kills what needs to die. It transforms old sins into vibrance, bold, and brave beauty.   

On Earth, in our human form, we are hurting ourselves and others. Hurting can transform us, but we must witness the pain we cause, and allow it to hurt us too. For this is what inspires atonement, forgiveness, and peace. The light must get in to burn the old leaves and kill them into bold color. Only then will Winter come. Only then will there be the long, cold, bare grieving. Eventually, after settling inside in stillness and silence, there is rebirth and the transformations of Spring. 

Winter storms come and we must accept them and expect them to wreck us while knowing that we will bloom and blossom and be born again in the Spring Sun. All this darkness  (all these storms of unconscious, unjustifiable injustices) is here to awaken us from our patterns of prejudice, separation, and retribution. I hope and dream for our awakening, for the collective transformations of Spring. May we abandon war, for it is the most horrendous method of hate and domination. May we forgive to find freedom, - forgive ourselves, and forgive others. 

Every human being is a human being. May we love with our whole wild hearts. May we be in our full humanity and being and humility and humbly learn how to love all human beings, especially the ones we so vehemently dehumanize. 

Because the world is for all of us. 

Indigenous Peoples  

Women 

Jews

Hamas

Muslims

Palestinians 

Israelies

Christians  

Ukrainians

Russians

Mexicans

Africans

Black Americans 

Police

Poor Folks

Trump Voters

LGBTQ Folx

Prisoners

Soldiers 

Refugees

The Homeless 

This is by no means a full list. 

And yes, some human beings (with one or some of these identities) may have dehumanized you or others. 

Free yourself through the courageous act of forgiveness. 

Birth yourself from the depths of hate and enter the light of love.  

Many are tempted to fight like jungle animals - posturing, growling, pouncing, killing. Yet, what if we instead took a breath, and paused. What if there was deep silence? What if there was space for stillness? What if we slowed down and simply allowed the living of other human beings? What if we saw every other soul as a soul, as multitudes, as a whole universe of worlds and words? What if we learned how to love humanity? And love authentic diversity? 

Rather than screaming, hollering, and shooting, what if there was weeping and humming and singing? 

Yes, let's not be foolish. We must protect ourselves and set our boundaries. Not everyone is safe with everyone else yet. And we don't have to agree with the actions of another. Imagine if everyone accepted the existence of everyone. For attempting the destruction of another and/or another identity is primitive, is it not? Have we not yet learned that the Divine will not allow it? That history will haunt us and shake us awake until we atone, forgive, and evolve?  

So go on, let the light in. Let it burn all that must die so that you may burst into bold color. 

Please join me in hoping and praying for communal, collective, and collaborative awakenings in the glorious Spring Sun.  Please join me in praying for truth and love and peace.