I am life.

I once thought my emotions were asleep under my skin, resting there like a wounded beast, weeping quietly, waiting for my attention and self-pity, but this is not so.

It is the show of the ego - an unwanted actor addicted to my cheers and jeers, my whistles, whispers, boos, and bravos.

Well, hello to the show! Hello!

I see you.

I am in the audience, watching your production of pain and conditioned thinking. No longer do I find you funny, fun or full of fury. No longer do I applaud your dramatic monologues, your cyclical sobs, or any of your self-righteous banter. 

Now I am calling for an orchestra of wind instruments to blow through you. Soon the commotion of your emotions will become silence. Then snoring. Yes, peace can be quite boring! Good. You go sleep in the wings, while I fly, dance and sing to the cathedral ceilings of my being. I am turning off your spotlights and I am turning on the ghost light. I am calling for the fall of your curtains too, the letting down of soft consciousness.

One day, I will build a box of metaphorical matches and burn this place to the ground, leaving you a shadow without a stage and me naked in the woods of the world.

I am not you, ego. I am not my thoughts.

I am the naked body. I am the woods and the world. I am life.

Eckhart Tolle told me so. In a book. And I believe him.
  

I am life. 

In their own awakened way, the children say

I don't want to be
        anywhere but here.

BUMP!

Hands fill a jar with cold tap water. Feet shuffle in socks to the couch where this body drops and wraps knit knots around cold legs. The back bends then, touching cup to coffee table where there is pen and paper and book.

Above this body, child and man sleep on wooden frames, spring mattresses, and cotton bedding, dreaming forgettable tales while their hearts beat blood and breathe. My breath is wet as a sea breeze, in and sigh, in and sigh, in and sigh... these breaths of bliss.

Behind the window and behind bold feathery firs, the sun rises like a glittery gold balloon, floating, pulling ribbons of pink and yellow, ribbons that wrap every little thing in light to be seen.

The house is soft and warm and still until  ---BUMP! Two bare feet bark on floor planks followed by, "Momma!"

Another sigh followed by,
acceptance. "Yes, love. I'm downstairs!"

Bump! says a foot.
Bump! says a foot.
Bump! Bump! Bump!
say two bare feet on tall wide stairs
Bump! Bump! Bump! Bump! Bump! 

    patter...patter...patter...patter...patter...
She appears in short dress, no pants,
hair ragged as weeds in the wind,
a shine beneath the nose,
sweat between the toes,
and diamonds in her eyes.
She is glad to be alive!

Who is this person wearing the body of a child?
I don't know, but yes to this moment and yes to this one and this one too! 

be

I want to be

      be and be 

until i am 

empty.

dear GOD, please

open me

and

scatter me

like the stars.


I want to be

everywhere.

The ego would like a new pair of glasses.

The ego would also like a facial, eye cream, makeup, a new hairstyle, hair dye, and a manicure. The ego has also requested black boots and another costly sweater. The soul, however, is warm in worn woolen sweaters and bruised boots and contentment and has requested that the ego instead save the money for good food, drink, and books.