Sunday, March 1, 2020

39 weeks


"Are you ready?" I'm asked.

All I want is to read and move into various prenatal yoga positions. I want some sweets, chocolate cookies mostly, and I want to lie comfortably to sleep. Oh and the other thing: I want certainty. Certainly, I cannot have any certainty. Not until the minutes between contractions narrow into nothing. Not until this baby descends from the depths of me. Not until then will I know it is time. And then, even then, there will be more uncertainty. Moments when I seek him out while he is sleeping to see if he is still breathing. There will be years of uncertainty - a lifetime!

I think I want to know all the surprises and tragedies that lie before me. Yet, I wonder, what if the meaning of life is learning how to surrender to all the mystery?

"Are you ready?"
"As ready as one can be. I mean... is anyone ever really ready?"


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