I am not consuming tall cups of coffee.

I am slow now, or rather, I am slower and slowing to the speed of myself.


Are you ok? I'm asked. You seem funny.

Yes. I'm ok.

I am like a pond at dawn, still and reflective, hoping that through presence, the world will open up to me. Mostly, I'm doing this out of curiosity. Who am I? I still don't know and I don't know that I'll ever know. But for now, I like seeing myself this way - raw and full of water.

I speak now when I want and I smile only when a moment moves my heart to move my mouth. Coffee once darted and danced through me. I would feel inspired and alert with a quick wit. And yet, occasionally, I would feel a bit like a bug stuck inside a lampshade - insistent and distracted, perhaps even confused. A strong delicious drug, it has the power to fill me with temporary hope... even the darkest days lighten with a drop of cream. But, I know now, I don't need every morning to feel fixable or flexible. Instead, I can just be in the day's passing seconds. Yes, I still sometimes resist unpleasant minutes. But overall, I'm wherever I am.

Eventually, I will speed up again, but for now, I am slow, or rather, slower and slowing to the speed of myself.