goose poop PUKE

My dog and I hike a mountain. She wants me to take her leash off so that she can really run, but I keep her tied up because it's the law (and because last time I let her loose she didn't come back for twenty minutes and we thought she was dead). It is early on a warm Sunday morning in May. Penny eats some grass and a few treats from my fanny pack, stops to drink from streams and puddles and pulls toward squirrels, nothing unusual. The hike takes about two hours and just before we reach the car, we pass the lake where a family of geese swims. While I take a picture with my phone, my dog discovers a pile of green goose poop and takes a bite. I scream, but she swallows. This is unusual. She never eats poop. We get to the car and I drive to the grocery co-op across town. I crack the windows and leave her to sleep in the front seat. I shop for about twenty-five minutes before returning with three full canvas bags. When I open the door, Penny is not as excited to see me as she usually is. Must be tired, I assume. I jump in the front seat and throw the key into the ignition. With one hand patting my pup's head, I drive out of the parking lot and pull onto the road. However, just as I do, I feel something wet seeping into my pants. I reach my hand beneath my left leg and pull out a handful of wet green goop. My body convulses in a gag as I pull the car into the breakdown lane. I am grasping partially digested goose poop strung together by wads of grass. Horrible. I jump out of the car and Penny follows. I grab her by the collar with my clean hand and walk her to the passenger's side to close her leash into the door to keep her from running off. I grab the roll of toilet paper from the center console and begin scrapping the goose poop puke from my hand and then from the back of my spandex pants. Cars slow down, but I do not. Scraping, gagging, cursing! I go back to the driver's side. HOW DID I MISS CLUMPS OF POOP VOMIT ON MY LIGHT BEIGE SEAT? I must be completely out of it. I scrape the globs off the seat and fill a plastic bag with the greened toilet paper. Penny has not only puked on my seat but inside my closed umbrella on the floor. I pound the handle onto the pavement and the puke lands with a unsatisfactory splat. I pour water over my hands and let Penny drink from my cupped palm. Finally, I pump several squirts of antibacterial onto my hands and drive home.