I wanted a third baby.

Yes! Let me fall into the space of tender infancy. Yes! Let me bud in pre-natal, bloom in birth, and nest in post-natal. Yes! Let me do better. Yes! Let me be better. Yes! And let me be home home home! Let me hide behind the responsibility of baby care. Let me hide from all the unknown opportunities out there. 

I daydreamed for one month about another soul joining our home. 

It started with a thought - an I could be pregnant thought - followed by stirrings and swirlings and quiverings within. And swelling? Yes, swelling! And swooning? Yes, swooning. 

But then, oh, then, - blood banged down my door. And I wept. This was grief. Grief for this one. Grief for no future ones. Grief for the end of an era. 

After a few days, the sorrow rose like fog, and there in the clear meadow of my being, I was whole and free and open to more. 

Yes, let me be more more more! 

Spirit

This life is a mystery. But You are here within me, whispering the song of my being, to my being, and with my being. It is a symphony of light and hums and strings and bellows. It is a symphony of steadiness and swells and grounding. It is soft though and it (if left unheard) will enter the body and harm it into hearing, into healing. And so, hush the world, for a little while every day, and sit in stillness and silence. Open the heart and bow.