My Most Recent Lesson

There is no right. There is no wrong. Every decision is a web of steps, strings, and spectrums. There is no right decision. There is no wrong one. There are choices, often multiple, but there is no wrong way. For every way has the potential (particularly if we are looking) to lead us toward our evolution. 

This here is my most recent lesson. 

I have a pattern (possibly ingrained from years of traditional schooling) that if I make the correct choice, I will avoid suffering and, perhaps even, elevate to a beautiful and profound awakening.

Ohhh, I realize now. This is slippery! This is simply a striving for perfection. That isn't elevation. 

Life isn't an algebra test. Life is composed of messy essays, improvised scripts, and poetry. It is solitude, reflection, and meditation. It is group work: collaboration, cooperation, and coordinated presentations. It is subjective and impressionistic. It is spectrums of light, shadow, and color. 

The times I experience the most struggle, the most convoluted conflict (both inner and outer) are when I seek, claim, or defend the "right answer", rather than realizing and accepting the complexity of life, the unknowable, incalculable, uncertainty of all things. Life (and every one and every thing in it) is not stuck, stagnant, or rigid. All is flowing. All are growing. All is nuanced and ever-evolving. And whenever I attempt to collect, contain, and label any of it into tidy little boxes, I end up spending a lot of time justifying my boxes to myself and others. And when I do this, I am not available, or open to surprises, learning, and expanding. I have been trying so damn hard to answer all the questions that arrive in life correctly. Oh, how adorably naive of me!  I've done this with lots of things, and eventually, what happens is that a desire, need, or realization flattens the side of a box, spilling the contents of my (sometimes) extreme choice all over the floor of my life. 

Now I see that making a decision is not about getting it right, but about getting it true. It is about getting quiet and listening. It is about meeting me in the moment and (again and again) asking, What feels right to me right now? And then living with it.  

The Slow Sprint from Suffering

I see now my progress, my slow sprint from suffering. 

Be patient. My heart tells me. We all have wisdom to remember. 

So I wait in silence. And I run through woods with a strong, long, loping dog. 

Time whispers to us what we're ready to hear, ready to heed. This cannot happen in a hurry. It says. There are too many of you. It must be like a ripple, a sprinkly rain, a stream. It is like water, seeping into everything. 

I am writing now about our spiritual evolution. 

I am writing now to nudge us all into the slow sprint from suffering. 

I am writing now of the love-led revolution, which starts with the remembering of inner wisdom. 

Oh, you gorgeous, goddess!

Oh, you gorgeous, goddess! 

The skin, the ego, is shedding! It is hanging on while you continue to slither and scrape against the rough rocks of silent awareness. Your authenticity is showing. It's so simple - be you. You don't need to be excessively, externally interesting. You are a universe - vast and full of life and light and mystery, and wisdom. There it is! It's already there within you. The world doesn't need your ego. What it yearns for is what you yearn for - simple, deep wisdom. Authenticity. Your true, calm, joy-filled soul. Settle there - live in that grounded being. Be in the moment. Yes, be just here now, as often as possible. Be right here. And stay here. When others try to drag you back or pull you forward, remain here, and stay here. Now, remain here for eternity, and you will find eternity. 

What happens when we surrender?

When we let the fear fly? What happens when we quit the fight and commit to ascention, to flight? What if all we need is acceptance and letting go? What if we ran away and prayed all day? What if we learned how to live fully in joy and love? What if we learned that life doesn't need to be about survival but surrender? What happened to the prophecy of the poor and meek? What about listening to one's wild beast of a body and one's universal star of a soul? Why are we working so damn hard to do it "right" and "well" when that action is a distraction from stillness, silence, and our pure consciousness? Let us be barefoot in the stream and woods. Let us splash in the lake and lie on the sand. Let us eat berries in the meadow and potatoes from the farm. Let us breathe with ease, with a soft belly, a light heart, and freedom.  

Holy

Once the kids are asleep, I walk out behind the house, looking for the Moon. I find her up in the blue blankets of night, showing me her wide, white belly. I sit, admiring her, then look to the blinking fireflies beside me - small, spontaneous spots of light in the darkness. Above, bats flap and feast, while a gentle breeze tickles the trees. One little lantern glows on a holly leaf. It isn't blinking. I step closer and lift a limp, lightning bug. I hold it, waiting for it to go out, but the creature continues to glow her green song. Several minutes pass while she lies little, lifeless, and lit in my palm. I bring her to my bed and place her on my journal. Then I write these words while her body shines a gold dot upon the book. It takes thirty minutes for her light to go out. 

I am like the firefly. I, too, have light within me. 

In all my seeking, reading, gathering, and remembering, I now know this: God is within me. God is within me, which is to say, God is within YOU. God is within everything - the plants, the minerals, the animals. Everything is divine. Everyone is divine. 

When I look now at a cluster of trees, I see that they are a collection of beings, infinite and wise, stretching toward light above and connection below. They are holy. The clouds, too, floating by like boats of loose cotton, are holy! I pull off the sturdy skin of a banana, carried north to me in a crate from the tropics. It smells of sunshine and honey. It is holy. I split a speckled watermelon. It creaks open like an old door and wobbles on the cutting board. Its pink flesh sprays, while my body salivates in silent prayer. Holy! I fry an egg. Holy. I smell fragrant, floppy wildflower petals. Holy. I stand barefoot on rocks, socked in soft woolly moss. Holy! I slip my bones and skin into a cool, clean pond.  Holy. The list is infinite.    

I close my eyes. I imagine that I am full of light. My skin is like lantern glass, my bones are golden brass. I can see my light. 

My mother is holy. My father is holy. My siblings, my children, my dog - all divinely holy. The birds, owls, and squirrels in the trees outside are holy. The mushrooms, the maples, the blue whales, the dandelions, the dragonflies, and the fireflies - all holy. 

We are all holy. 

We are all glowing and growing. And yes, there is mess and chaos. There is bloody gore, war, and many hungry children. Peace will eventually arrive on the warm, wide wings of the Phoenix. Until then, let us pray for the evolution of every human being. Let us pray for every single one of our spiritual evolutions. For the more humans who renounce fear and remember LOVE, the more peace and bliss will grace our world and universe. 

Writing

Writing is one way I connect with God.

Therefore, putting pen to paper has become less of a production  

and more of a messy, loving correspondence.

Connected, Connected, Connected!

The mosquitoes wanted to eat me. They liked that I walked through the woods slowly. I tried to tell them to leave me. I pleaded silently. I covered my body in clothing. But they are wild and free, and hungry. And so, yesterday, I started running, clomping and clamoring in my boots. I felt clumsy and happy. This morning, I wore a t-shirt, tall socks, yoga pants, and sneakers. Then, out we went, this dog and I, to the woods. On the trail of roots and stones and mud, we ran and ran. As I hop and jog, my blood swims through me, my muscles flexing and stretching, and all the while, my heart is dancing with glee. Oh my goodness! This is one way to get into the heart. This never occurred to me. I always thought of them as separate, like all things, separate, separate, separate, but it is all connected, connected, connected! It is all one. And that's why some people are more drawn to exercise. In the sweaty state of exertion, we experience elation and a connection to the heart. That's where they find their flow by doing it again and again and again as a meditative and physical act. It's not only moving in yoga. It's not only sitting still for moments or minutes in meditation. It's not only walking slowly through the gorgeous forest. They are all ways to The Way! The way to the heart, to the universe within. Oh goodness, yes! 

Amen! Amen! Amen!